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July 20, 2005 :: 7:26 pm

Oh I jsut can't seem to catch a berak and somewhere I feel like I'm digging in my heels screaming, damnit no, I'm not going to let myself slip again- but I feel like I am. and this time I don't have Ian to hold me up.
Of course we're "back together" after his "thinking" time, whatever, but I don't feel like he's there for me.
I called him tonight after two miserable days at work, desperatly wanting him to say babe, I won't go rock climbing you need a shoulder to cry on more, ha, of course he didn't. For once, jsut once I want to come first, I want to know when I call him crying he won't say but I've been planning this for a while (since when?? last time you went a week ago???) I jsut want him to care about me more than he does something else....
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